“Don't Forget To Breathe!”

My time in Istanbul consisted mostly of having my wisdom teeth removed, unpacking, having a massively swollen jaw, doing laundry, complaining about having my wisdom teeth removed, repacking, and eating soup provided by Zeynep’s parents while complaining about my massively swollen jaw.

From there the long journey to the next stop, New Zealand, began. First leg, a ten hour flight to Singapore, where Singapore Airlines was running one of those promotions where if you stay over for two nights they’ll cover your hotel while you sleep off the jetlag. Yes, please.

A funny town that one. It’s nice and clean and everything works and is generally pretty swell as long as you’re not gay or poor or in the wrong political party or posting comments online that the government doesn’t like or competing with government monopolies. So, swell-ish?

From Singapore to Christchurch, New Zealand, where the biosecurity guards at the airport asked if I had anything with me that had been used in the outdoors recently. Yes. What? All of it. Unpack it. All of it, really? Yes, all of it. I also got to meet a little biosecurity doggo who had successfully unhooked one of the straps of its biosecurity doggo vest and was quite intent about undoing the other strap, less so about inspecting my bag in any way.

This is our third trip to New Zealand in as many years, and to our minds it’s a truly special place. This was my first time in Christchurch and it didn’t disappoint. I watched cricket on TV and took a nice long run through the botanical gardens, which are expansive and charming and very “hey the end of the world is real nice.”

From Christchurch a long drive to Mount Cook Village, the tiny (population ~250) hamlet at the base of Aoraki / Mount Cook, the tallest mountain in New Zealand and the gateway to the massive and stunning Aoraki / Mount Cook National Park, itself the heart of the Southen Alps. The plan was to climb a mountain here called Malte Brun, a challenging rock ascent of New Zealand’s quite aesthetic, third highest peak, often referred to as “the Matterhorn of the Southern Alps.” Alas, whatever weather gods I upset prior to climbing in Scotland remain upset with me, and despite the bluebird day in the village (below left) the winds were absolutely howling up high, such that the helicopters that take you up to the glacier (and, more importantly, back down) were grounded and expected to be that way off-and-on for days. So in the car to Wanaka, a super charming outdoor adventure hub Zeynep and I visited last year, which happens to have outstanding rock climbing within an easy drive of town. Up at 430a to start with the sun… only to discover, despite the superficial bluebird day (below right) that the access road was closed due to “extreme winds about the top.”

But the weather gods underestimated my determination, and we’ve spent two wonderful days climbing smaller routes at the local crag. While the routes here are mostly single-pitch (a pitch being how far you climb in the length of a single climbing rope, so these are the length of one rope or less, whereas the climbs we’d been planning to do were multi-pitch), there is a significant silver lining, in that the smaller scope allows you to tackle harder objectives and really focus on technique.

Including breathing. After watching me climb a bunch of routes over the last two days my guide noticed that when I get to the crux (the hard part) of a route I stop breathing. Which, you know, isn’t great for muscle or brain function. So he’s started hollering “Don’t forget to breathe!” when I get to the crux. Which is both a little embarrassing and super helpful.

So for now, while we wait to see if the weather gods change their minds over the next few days, we chill in this very special place, breathing, clambering around like kids who were never told they had to grow up. No too shabby at all.

If you look closely below, you can see me in the bottom of the frame dangling from one arm. … Or, not me, so much as somebody who’s clearly much stronger, more talented, and less interested in self-preservation. Still pretty cool to watch.